


you'd heal this pain

by cyclothimic



Category: The Blacklist (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-04
Updated: 2015-10-04
Packaged: 2018-04-24 18:59:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4931446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyclothimic/pseuds/cyclothimic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He could feel the eyes of other agents burning into the back of his head, especially Samar's. He could hear the whispers of them behind his back, either praising him for his relentlessness or wondering why he was being so ruthless.</p><p>But the truth was…</p><p>He just missed her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you'd heal this pain

**Author's Note:**

> my first ever keenler fic so please be kind

_Secret love, my escape_

_Take me far, far away_

_Secret love, are you there_

_Will you answer my prayer?_

_Please take me anywhere but here_

_Anywhere but here_

_-Anywhere But Here, Mayday Parade_

* * *

It was ridiculous, how much he missed her. Really, it hadn't even been two days and he already missed her.

He would come back to his –  _their_ – office to fetch a document and see her desk and halt in his steps, remembering them sharing cookies and laughing at the most un-laughable matter. He would stand at the operations and station and see an echo of her standing there akimbo, explaining things to them in that firm and non-judgmental tone of hers. He would get in the car to chase after a lead of  _her_  and forget how to drive for a few seconds because he would hate that Samar was sitting next to him instead of her and he wouldn't have anyone to banter with.

It was ridiculous.

* * *

He stared at the air duct with a look of utter absence on his face. If he didn't find her soon, he was going to be sick. His mouth felt dryer than sandbox in the summer. Each passing moment only led to the next, of him chasing down every lead, no matter how small, just to find her.

He clenched his jaw and suppressed a groan. He convinced himself that he was looking for her because he felt betrayed. Elizabeth Keen betrayed the organization, the task force,  _him_. He trusted her and he let her go only for news of her being a Russian spy to surface.

He could feel the eyes of other agents burning into the back of his head, especially Samar's. He could hear the whispers of them behind his back, either praising him for his relentlessness or wondering  _why_  he was being so ruthless.

But the truth was…

He just missed her.

* * *

He used to hate her. He used to think that she was an incompetent baby in the task force and Harrison Cooper was an idiot for trusting her with Raymond Reddington. He was wary of working with her and he didn't trust her.

And he knew that she knew.

He didn't know when. He didn't know how. Maybe it was her strength. Maybe it was how she never surrendered to him. Maybe it was the way she spoke. Maybe it was how she made Reddington keel when no one could. He didn't know.

She made him trust her. He trusted her with his life. He would willingly hand over his heart to her because he trusted that she would keep it safe and keep  _him_ safe.

He still did.

God, he would give anything to see just one more time.

* * *

Well, he got to see her.

She was blonde. She was in a hoodie. She was basically dressed like a hoodlum.

She looked  _beautiful_.

And he hated that he couldn't get to touch her or even compliment her.

She handed herself over to the Russian Embassy, that silly woman. She should  _trust_  him. Shouldn't this trust thing go both ways? Wasn't that how it worked?

Then why didn't she trust him? Just for once, trust him to ensure that she wouldn't be indicted or harmed.

He watched as she spouted off her Russian name fluently with some affliction. He watched as she stared at him, with disappointment.

And all he could think was...

 _I'm sorry. I love you. I'm sorry. I love you_.


End file.
